Confusion
What good is it going to make if I keep telling my acquaintances that am getting confused with languages? Telling them alone wont help me come out of this problem. I think I want to avoid people judging me. Whats the big deal if people think am not good. Yes, am not good now but I was way better earlier and will improve in future. So, lets forget about what others think of me because its not my business.
Whats the problem then? I get confused and mix up languages when I speak with others.
What is the solution? Not sure.... Nonetheless, I have decided that I should speak in one language (English) to avoid confusion for the time being. This is when speaking with outsiders. With family members, would try speaking in tamil, which is my mother tongue. Let me see how things improve from here.
"Relationships needn't be stronger by staying together". I firmly believe in this! I have seen relationships or the bonding torn apart while staying together but getting healthier by maintaining a distance. I always think that instead of staying together and feeling bad about one another, staying separately and having a healthy relationship is far better. People might think that I don't have the traditional Indian mind set.... which is in my words, 'a bit conservative'.
I have heard many Indians blaming the American/European life style of not staying with their parents, but I like it. This kind of living, makes a person less dependant on others/parents/children and allows to enjoy his/her life to the maximum extent possible. Its just one life!
In the Indian way of living, either the parent or the child keeps compromising something or the other for oneanother. One fine day, it leads to frustration. I have seen this happening. Even animals feed their young ones only to some extent. Then why do we need to follow this lifestyle when its making us handicapped? By saying so, am not against any of the relations. I do respect everybody and I have love and respect for all my relatives. However, am against this Indian way of loving. Saving money for all the subsequent generations, all staying together and living with problems. I believe in enjoying more space, independence and loving one another until the end.
Initially, it was a surprise for me to see Americans save money during winter and travel/enjoy a lot during summer. Later, I realised that its great. They value their lives more than anything. 'Today' is really precious for them. Wherein, we live our 'Today' thinking of 'Tomorrow'. What we dont understand is that we are missing one precious day of our lives thinking of tomorrow!
"Hema, have your coffee", "Hema, I have prepared rice flour adai for you" - am still hearing this voice everyday. If I sit and think now, I feel that I have taken my mom for granted. No doubt I have helped my mom in her daily chores but I feel that I could have made her happier in several other ways. However, no looking back now and is of no help! Undoubtedly, I miss my mom.
I could have learnt so much from my mom.... She was a great cook, a good singer, good in tailoring, good in Indian history and Hindu mythological stories. I didnt try to learn any of these things completely, thinking that she would be of help whenever I require! Nonetheless, I learned now that 'Today is the permanent thing in life'. Yesterday is just a memory and future is uncertain. But the cost I paid to understand this is so huge!
